Life is a funny thing… death is a sure thing, yet life is uncertain and always waiting for your next move. I will never again make death certain… 12 years ago I decided to end a baby’s life and I regret it immensely… I was too young to have faith and yet I knew the minute I got up on that table that the decision was very wrong. I was scared, I had no support system… the father wanted me to keep the baby yet I decided to not have faith in our life together. I regret this and I am tired of pretending that I’m fine and that it was the best choice… it was not. In the worst way I pray that my baby will come back to me and that what I have done can somehow, someway be undone.
I’d like to clear my karma, but I feel my hands will always be stained with the death of an innocent child. I am not religious… but I feel that because I was given the gift of life that I should have embraced it no matter how uncertain I felt… I could have blamed that on my hormones. I felt so fucked up – my judgement was off and I made the biggest decision of my life in this way?? my support system was non-existent.
I am pro-choice… if you feel it’s the best thing to do, do it! If you don’t think it is, don’t do it! Abortion was not for me and now I have to live with the choice I made forever… I miss my little family… I know we would have been good together, so good together.